Tuesday, December 11, 2007

Reindeer got it Done!

According to the Alaska Department of Fish and Game, while both male and female reindeer grow antlers in the summer each year, male reindeer drop their antlers at the beginning of winter, usually late November to mid-December. Female reindeer retain their antlers till after they give birth in the spring.

Therefore, according to EVERY historical rendition depicting Santa's reindeer, EVERY single one of them, from Rudolph to Blitzen, had to be a girl. We should've known... ONLY women would be able to drag a fat-ass man in a red velvet suit all around the world in one night and not get lost.

HAPPY HOLIDAYS!

Monday, October 29, 2007

A "Grateful" kind of Time

OK, so I've been having a Grateful Dead moment for the last few days. I don't know what's up with me...Aaron buys a V-dub and I regress back to high school. If I start walking around with dreds, please make me go to the spa. And those of you who knew me when I was 16-ish know I could very well walk in one day with a dredlock...been there, done that.

I have to say though, the music is keeping me flowing this afternoon...and that's an oxymoron b/c who would have thought Grateful Dead would keep me working? If this were high school, I'd be high....say hello to the gravity bong in the bathtub, although I do remember this one time at Parker's house where SOMEONE lit my shoe on fire. Yeah great idea guys...let's smoke Carrie's hemp shoes! Yeah, that worked real well, didn't it? And then I remember a time when I was hanging with the surfers in OBX and we were going down to Pea Island...um, longest, strangest trip I'd ever been on...literally. What was up with Sabastian and his dancing tattoo? Wtf? I swear it was doing back flips right there on his chest. And what a nice surfer chest....yes, I had a thing for surfers. Of course, he wasn't the one I really liked. It's funny, I married a surfer...haha...And there was this other time we piled in a car- seriously looking like clowns in a VW bug, and we crashed this preppy's party. We had that sweet smell on our clothing and probably coming out of our pores...we told them it was Patchouly. (Enter paranoid delusions.) I don't think the preppys were the same after that night. Half of them came to school the next Monday wearing Birkenstocks. Great party!

Other grateful moments were of course concerts and parking lots, where one miracle was all I needed. Yeah, you know what I mean by a miracle...no, not that kind...I didn't need free drugs...I mean a ticket, man. Man, I wonder whatever happened to Dave? I'm sure he's around somewhere, but he was my favorite tour hippie. He'd show up every so often...right there on the doorstep, with a warm bear hug and stories from the road. He was that kind of hippie who broguht happiness with him...pure happiness, the kind of happiness people have from within and it just overflows to whomever will accept it. (no, not drug induced happiness!) Dave was a dude I went to middle school with but we went to separate high schools. He was at Meadowbrook, a primarly African American school, but he got along with everyone because of that happiness. It had a calming effect on everyone he was around, an almost religious effect. Hard to explain, but easy to remember. Hrm, maybe this should be a blog...yeah I could write a bit about Dave...look for a blog later.

Well, got to go back to reality. I do have a couple courts I need to call and finish up that monthly report for Wayne. Which, I'm still waiting for his files, so this could be an interesting end of the month. Oh well, a little Dead in my ear, I'll figure it out.

Friday, August 31, 2007

How to relax- rule # 108

Aaron and I have had an interesting time in the last few weeks. We've fought battles with Yellow Book (yes still!), we've hired and fired, we've been betrayed and sucker punched, we've wrestled with real estate agents (now I know why they are the devil!), and we've booked a trip to Vegas. Well, the one year anniversary is approaching and I'm just hoping my mother brings my cake top back uneaten and unbattered. I'm praying to someone that our flight doesn't get delayed and I'm making deals with flying purple elephants to ensure that we write quality bonds between now and the day we leave. And through it all, as frustrated as I've been, Aaron and I still managed to find an activity to help us relax.

What is it, you ask? ........ No! You dirty mind! I don't know why people think we swing from the rafters? We really don't have that wild of a life...

We've landscaped part of our yard.

Yes, that's right, after 3 years of talking about it, I finally broke down and had 10 cubic yards of mulch delivered. Well, I was JUST going to mulch, but then I decided I needed something natural, yet design-ish, yet cheap to hold the mulch in place. I stepped off 15 steps and bought 20 stones (just in case). I got those down and decided it really would look better if I continued the line around the mulch bed. Then we had a lot of mulch left, so I decided to clean up my dying rose garden. Yep, cleaned them all out except one yellow rose bush that I'm hoping to save. (Well, it's actually more of a rose twig, but I'm hoping to nurse it back to health.) So, my 20 stones turned into 120 stones. And then I bought 50 more. I have vowed not to step back into Lowes. And I have figured out a great way to relieve some of that unwanted stress. Of course, I can't bend over anymore and my body feels like I just performed some circus trick, but at least I'm not feeling crazy anymore.

The yard looks great and we finally raked the huge pile of mulch down. There is kind of a slight mound, but Aaron thinks it will go down once it rains hard. Either that or it will wash it away and my stones will have been in vain. I haven't told my mother every detail about this venture. The only thing she knows is that we've been working in the yard and it's a noticeable change. She's looked on the satellite maps to see if she can notice anything, she's guessed we've put everything from a hot tub to laid sod. And yet, she's totally off. I have a sneaking suspicion that she's had spys drive by.

Now, I'm going to take pictures and brag about my hard work online. Of course, I don't know if anyone is reading since no one ever comments....so comment people! I'll post some pictures when I figure out how.

Tuesday, August 14, 2007

And we terminated her!

Wow, it has to be the shortest lived job ever. You know, I was very excited when we were able to sign her up, but I'm more excited now that I don't have to worry about the mistakes we would have to clean up. Chalk it up to learning to respect your first instinct and following what your gut tells you. Details to follow as to why we let her go.

Thursday, August 9, 2007

We've finally signed her!

I've been talking about getting this posting agent and talking about getting her signed up for, what seems like, forever. Well, we finally got her signed up and her powers in her hand. We know she's going to require some retriaing because she's been working under another company that we don't particularly work closely with. No reason in particular, we just don't share the same business practices and prefer to work at a more level playing field. Of course, that doesn't mean we won't work angles, we just aren't willing to cut corners and manipulate the grey areas of the law.

She's starting out as a posting agent, which means she won't be taking liabilty. She is a bondsman, she does work under her own company name and she is responsible for most everything a regular agent would be responsible for. That has it's good points and bad points. We don't really like posting agents to stay posting agents. We want them to develop their good habits early so they aren't hit by a speeding bullet train when they do become full liable agents. The bottom line is we want them to start off on the right foot so they don't have to tap dance to get marching again. I think we'll get her there, it's just going to take a song or two.

Thursday, July 19, 2007

Fortune Cookie Says "You are independent politically"

I have found that usually my horoscope is right, weird things happen on a full moon, Friday the 13th is rarely a day I should get out of bed and fortune cookies hit the nail on the head. Today at lunch, my husband and I went to the Chinese buffet and ended the meal with the same fortune in our cookie. Now while this is a rarity, it does happen to Aaron and I quite a bit. But today it hits home because we're both ready to offer commentary on a variety of issues.

I think my issue today is why lawyers are such arrogant dumb asses. In our line of work...pause for a brief commercial moment... (Custom Bail Bonds- serving the Richmond Metro, Northern Neck, Middle Peninsula, Tri-cities and almost the rest of the state of Virginia)...end pause...we run across different types of lawyers, but most of them we end up having to talk to are just a little off. I guess it's about par for the course when Virginia doesn't actually require lawyers to have a law degree. Which I have always found interesting...did you know that anyone off the street can be a lawyer, all they have to do is pass the Bar Exam? So that means Slappy from the corner can take the test, pass it and be practicing law the following week. Now that doesn't mean I have a hatred for all lawyers. In fact, I think there are a lot of great lawyers out there who do a wonderful job, however even they have to admit there are some that crawl out from under their rock every morning swearing up and down that they know everything there is to know about how the court system works. I would venture to say those are the lawyers we run into and remember.

An example of this type of lawyer is a man, who will remain nameless because after all he is a lawyer, who tells his clients not to go to court. Now here's the problem I have with this... The defendant does not have any reason not to trust the lawyer, often my clients will say they thought the lawyer knew what he was talking about...and I can't blame them for that, after all they are paying the lawyer to look out for their well being. So the lawyer tells the defendant that they don't need to go to court, that the lawyer will take care of it. To me, I see several problems with this:

  1. The lawyer cannot testify for you. So if you aren't there, then how are you going to face your accuser and defend yourself?
  2. The lawyer is not the one who has to go to jail for Failure to Appear (FTA).
  3. The lawyer does not have to pay the bondsman again for the additional charge of FTA.
  4. The lawyer is not the person who will have the FTA on their record.
  5. The lawyer does not have to do the time for a guilty verdict because the defendant wasn't there to defend themselves.

And the ironic thing here is that the lawyer will most likely charge the defendant's family for all the time he spent running back and forth to correct his mistake. So, I'm thinking that could get really expensive and time consuming.

I guess what I'm really saying here is that if you ever end up being accused of a crime and need the services of both a lawyer and a bondsman, go to court no matter what the dumb ass lawyer tells you. I have seen so many good people get f*c$$% because they listened to someone who told them going to court wasn't necessary. If you have a court date associated with your name, you need to make sure you appear in front of the judge. The judge doesn't want to see anyone but you...if you don't believe it, waste a few hours in jail thinking about it after you're picked up on an FTA. Now that's a day that's going to suck.

Tuesday, July 10, 2007

Get hydrated...drink more margaritas!

Aaron and I went to the Jimmy Buffett concert in NOVA a week ago and are now getting back into the swing of things. We go every year and know that we will need to reserve at least the weekend for recovery. This year we decided to go with a couple we met 2 years ago. They are from VA Beach and love Jimmy as much as we do. Well, we talked for several weeks about what they were bringing... and what we were bringing... and how about an RV?... we'll do the hot dogs if ya'll can do the grill... do you have the Margartor?... we'll both bring tequila! We finally got it together the night before and decided to meet in Ashland and carpool up. Once settled in the parking lot, we set up our tailgate party. We were set up with tents and chairs and beer and food and everything you could possible want before a Jimmy Buffett concert. We didn't do the sandy beach this time, but we all decided that's going to be a definite requirement for next year's party.

The grill got warmed up and we BBQ'd chicken and hot dogs. We put fresh strawberries in the Margarator. And I quickly decided that I had a fool's proof theory developed. Even though we brought plenty of bottled water, I decided I would try getting my water intake from frozen margaritas. I figured that the ice was just frozen water, so as long as I drank plenty margaritas, I'd stay hydrated. It seemed like a good theory, so I stuck to it. After all, I was getting my full daily requirement of fruit intake as well (ie. the fresh strawberries). So, I had a couple really great margaritas and decided this theory was really working out because I felt cool on this 90 degree, muggy day. I wasn't sweating too bad and I didn't feel light headed. So, I drank a few more. Stopped, thought to myself that this really might be working. Then I decide to share my theory with my group and they encouraged me to keep testing it. (Which, by the way, now I am wondering why they would encourage me...I'm hoping it was because they were as drunk as I was and not that they thought it would be funny.)

Parrotheads are always a funny bunch. At least 3 Johnny Depp-type pirates came up to our tailgate asking us to blow their shell or try their rum. I was blown by an older guy in the RV section. I saw one lady who had "gotten drunk" and was showing off her fat belly where she had proof she "screwed" Andy tried to ride his blow up children's water sky and we almost got him to ride it in the fountain. A couple cops came by to tell us "no alcohol" and we laughed at them. We met several, while very cute, very young barely legal boys who just wanted a Miller Lite. (God! A Miller Lite at a Jimmy Buffett concert! They show have been shot!) I had a couple more really refreshing margaritas. One really obnoxious guy offered us pot, but I refrained and gave him a business card. The kid we yelled at trying to park us came over for a water, we offered him a refreshing margarita...he refrained. I saw a volcano erupt. I tried to ride my shark. I tried to get Andy leid, but he didn't rise to the occasion and missed the hot chic as she walked away. I had another couple margarita refresh-anitas. I met a guy dressed as a parrot. I met another man who had a really nice set of coconuts.

As the Margarator continued to turn out it's refresh-anitas strawberry margaritas, we decided it would be a good idea to pick up our mess a little so it wouldn't be so bad when we got back from the show. That was a surprisingly great idea for a bunch of drunken parrotheads. But what really got us moving was the promise of mango-strawberry margaritas.....mmmmmm. Yeah, so we had a couple more. And I think I should mention, one more time, that my theory was still working out. I felt very refreshed, I was sweating slightly and peeing a great deal, so I figured I was not really dehydrated. Of course, I had another margarita.

The show was awesome, although it rained! But we really didn't care! Aaron broke up a fight and missed his favorite song. We saw a fat girl pee on the lawn instead of going to the bathroom. I danced to Brown Eyed Girl with Aaron. We saluted to "Let's Get Drunk and Screw". We did a little jig to Margaritaville. We got hit in the head by a beach ball and it continued to rain. We pledged to be Pirates for Life as we toasted to "A Pirate Looks at 40". We sailed around the world with the "Son of a Sailor". And we "Partied at the End of the World". And after 2 hours, we pouted as we had to go back to the car. But it finally stopped raining.

So we got the grill out and grilled some ribs. We grilled more hot dogs and drank a couple sodas, because after all, we did need to get back on the road. It took a while for everyone to get out of the parking lot, so we enjoyed our ribs and chatted with the cops and packed the cars up. We let out the air in our blow up toys. We played a little more Jimmy on the radios. And when we finally got back int he car, we laid back and enjoyed the ride home. Aaron drove and I promptly decided my theory may not have worked out just right. I was starting to spin a little and I had dry mouth BAD! So I got some water at Wawa and held on. Once we got home, I crashed into bed and woke up around 6am worshiping the porcelain God. I drank more water. I worshiped some more. I drank another 2 glasses of water- really big glasses. I fed the fish. I let the dogs out to pee. I drank more water. I semi-worshiped one more time and drank more water. I them decided my theory didn't work out the way I thought it would have and drank more water. I also decided that even though ice is frozen water, it does not hydrate as well as drinking regular old water. I decided to lay down for a while and the next day, I surveyed the results. Hrm, well the bathroom was a little disheveled and the cooler was still in the driveway. I drank some water and decided my theory was not as sound as I had first thought.

Of course, I'm not quite ready to dismiss it with just one failed testing. So, if anyone is willing to help me test it, please apply online.