Thursday, July 19, 2007

Fortune Cookie Says "You are independent politically"

I have found that usually my horoscope is right, weird things happen on a full moon, Friday the 13th is rarely a day I should get out of bed and fortune cookies hit the nail on the head. Today at lunch, my husband and I went to the Chinese buffet and ended the meal with the same fortune in our cookie. Now while this is a rarity, it does happen to Aaron and I quite a bit. But today it hits home because we're both ready to offer commentary on a variety of issues.

I think my issue today is why lawyers are such arrogant dumb asses. In our line of work...pause for a brief commercial moment... (Custom Bail Bonds- serving the Richmond Metro, Northern Neck, Middle Peninsula, Tri-cities and almost the rest of the state of Virginia)...end pause...we run across different types of lawyers, but most of them we end up having to talk to are just a little off. I guess it's about par for the course when Virginia doesn't actually require lawyers to have a law degree. Which I have always found interesting...did you know that anyone off the street can be a lawyer, all they have to do is pass the Bar Exam? So that means Slappy from the corner can take the test, pass it and be practicing law the following week. Now that doesn't mean I have a hatred for all lawyers. In fact, I think there are a lot of great lawyers out there who do a wonderful job, however even they have to admit there are some that crawl out from under their rock every morning swearing up and down that they know everything there is to know about how the court system works. I would venture to say those are the lawyers we run into and remember.

An example of this type of lawyer is a man, who will remain nameless because after all he is a lawyer, who tells his clients not to go to court. Now here's the problem I have with this... The defendant does not have any reason not to trust the lawyer, often my clients will say they thought the lawyer knew what he was talking about...and I can't blame them for that, after all they are paying the lawyer to look out for their well being. So the lawyer tells the defendant that they don't need to go to court, that the lawyer will take care of it. To me, I see several problems with this:

  1. The lawyer cannot testify for you. So if you aren't there, then how are you going to face your accuser and defend yourself?
  2. The lawyer is not the one who has to go to jail for Failure to Appear (FTA).
  3. The lawyer does not have to pay the bondsman again for the additional charge of FTA.
  4. The lawyer is not the person who will have the FTA on their record.
  5. The lawyer does not have to do the time for a guilty verdict because the defendant wasn't there to defend themselves.

And the ironic thing here is that the lawyer will most likely charge the defendant's family for all the time he spent running back and forth to correct his mistake. So, I'm thinking that could get really expensive and time consuming.

I guess what I'm really saying here is that if you ever end up being accused of a crime and need the services of both a lawyer and a bondsman, go to court no matter what the dumb ass lawyer tells you. I have seen so many good people get f*c$$% because they listened to someone who told them going to court wasn't necessary. If you have a court date associated with your name, you need to make sure you appear in front of the judge. The judge doesn't want to see anyone but you...if you don't believe it, waste a few hours in jail thinking about it after you're picked up on an FTA. Now that's a day that's going to suck.

Tuesday, July 10, 2007

Get hydrated...drink more margaritas!

Aaron and I went to the Jimmy Buffett concert in NOVA a week ago and are now getting back into the swing of things. We go every year and know that we will need to reserve at least the weekend for recovery. This year we decided to go with a couple we met 2 years ago. They are from VA Beach and love Jimmy as much as we do. Well, we talked for several weeks about what they were bringing... and what we were bringing... and how about an RV?... we'll do the hot dogs if ya'll can do the grill... do you have the Margartor?... we'll both bring tequila! We finally got it together the night before and decided to meet in Ashland and carpool up. Once settled in the parking lot, we set up our tailgate party. We were set up with tents and chairs and beer and food and everything you could possible want before a Jimmy Buffett concert. We didn't do the sandy beach this time, but we all decided that's going to be a definite requirement for next year's party.

The grill got warmed up and we BBQ'd chicken and hot dogs. We put fresh strawberries in the Margarator. And I quickly decided that I had a fool's proof theory developed. Even though we brought plenty of bottled water, I decided I would try getting my water intake from frozen margaritas. I figured that the ice was just frozen water, so as long as I drank plenty margaritas, I'd stay hydrated. It seemed like a good theory, so I stuck to it. After all, I was getting my full daily requirement of fruit intake as well (ie. the fresh strawberries). So, I had a couple really great margaritas and decided this theory was really working out because I felt cool on this 90 degree, muggy day. I wasn't sweating too bad and I didn't feel light headed. So, I drank a few more. Stopped, thought to myself that this really might be working. Then I decide to share my theory with my group and they encouraged me to keep testing it. (Which, by the way, now I am wondering why they would encourage me...I'm hoping it was because they were as drunk as I was and not that they thought it would be funny.)

Parrotheads are always a funny bunch. At least 3 Johnny Depp-type pirates came up to our tailgate asking us to blow their shell or try their rum. I was blown by an older guy in the RV section. I saw one lady who had "gotten drunk" and was showing off her fat belly where she had proof she "screwed" Andy tried to ride his blow up children's water sky and we almost got him to ride it in the fountain. A couple cops came by to tell us "no alcohol" and we laughed at them. We met several, while very cute, very young barely legal boys who just wanted a Miller Lite. (God! A Miller Lite at a Jimmy Buffett concert! They show have been shot!) I had a couple more really refreshing margaritas. One really obnoxious guy offered us pot, but I refrained and gave him a business card. The kid we yelled at trying to park us came over for a water, we offered him a refreshing margarita...he refrained. I saw a volcano erupt. I tried to ride my shark. I tried to get Andy leid, but he didn't rise to the occasion and missed the hot chic as she walked away. I had another couple margarita refresh-anitas. I met a guy dressed as a parrot. I met another man who had a really nice set of coconuts.

As the Margarator continued to turn out it's refresh-anitas strawberry margaritas, we decided it would be a good idea to pick up our mess a little so it wouldn't be so bad when we got back from the show. That was a surprisingly great idea for a bunch of drunken parrotheads. But what really got us moving was the promise of mango-strawberry margaritas.....mmmmmm. Yeah, so we had a couple more. And I think I should mention, one more time, that my theory was still working out. I felt very refreshed, I was sweating slightly and peeing a great deal, so I figured I was not really dehydrated. Of course, I had another margarita.

The show was awesome, although it rained! But we really didn't care! Aaron broke up a fight and missed his favorite song. We saw a fat girl pee on the lawn instead of going to the bathroom. I danced to Brown Eyed Girl with Aaron. We saluted to "Let's Get Drunk and Screw". We did a little jig to Margaritaville. We got hit in the head by a beach ball and it continued to rain. We pledged to be Pirates for Life as we toasted to "A Pirate Looks at 40". We sailed around the world with the "Son of a Sailor". And we "Partied at the End of the World". And after 2 hours, we pouted as we had to go back to the car. But it finally stopped raining.

So we got the grill out and grilled some ribs. We grilled more hot dogs and drank a couple sodas, because after all, we did need to get back on the road. It took a while for everyone to get out of the parking lot, so we enjoyed our ribs and chatted with the cops and packed the cars up. We let out the air in our blow up toys. We played a little more Jimmy on the radios. And when we finally got back int he car, we laid back and enjoyed the ride home. Aaron drove and I promptly decided my theory may not have worked out just right. I was starting to spin a little and I had dry mouth BAD! So I got some water at Wawa and held on. Once we got home, I crashed into bed and woke up around 6am worshiping the porcelain God. I drank more water. I worshiped some more. I drank another 2 glasses of water- really big glasses. I fed the fish. I let the dogs out to pee. I drank more water. I semi-worshiped one more time and drank more water. I them decided my theory didn't work out the way I thought it would have and drank more water. I also decided that even though ice is frozen water, it does not hydrate as well as drinking regular old water. I decided to lay down for a while and the next day, I surveyed the results. Hrm, well the bathroom was a little disheveled and the cooler was still in the driveway. I drank some water and decided my theory was not as sound as I had first thought.

Of course, I'm not quite ready to dismiss it with just one failed testing. So, if anyone is willing to help me test it, please apply online.